Should I even bother...

Rock, Paper, Scissors...etc

2006-03-19T11:41:00.000-08:00

One more reason that I shouldn't be allowed to date....

Okay, I have had two situations where I couldn't read the end of a date... and I use date loosely because one of them was just a meeting. God, I really hate the date 'interview'. Like we should all bring our dating resumes to coffee...

Anyway, these moments... I call them Rock, Paper, Scissors moments. I throw out a hug... she throws a handshake... hug overpowers handshake...therefore, no returned calls.

Another occasion... different girl... we go out on a date. We have supper at a club with live jazz music.... kind of romantic, right? Anyway, I suggest coffee afterwards.... "I don't drink coffee".... like they don't have tea or hot chocolate at Starbucks... whatever, okay...

We drive by a bowling alley... Not that I am a big bowler or anything... but I haven't been in forever, so I suggest that we stop in and play... she says no... the last time she went she was yelled at for being inept.... okay, I get it... forever scarred on the bowling front... scarlet letter and all...

So, I am driving her home.... did I mention it's like 10:30.... yes...10:30... I am thinking that this date is sooo over. I mean who comes home on a date at 10:30, right?

As we are driving home, we are at a red light and she mentions the frozen yogurt shop across the way....that she always loved to go there... that they have the best frozen yogurt, etc... okay, I think here's a life line, right? Think again... I suggest that we stop in... she says no that she's stuffed from dinner.

STRIKE THREE... game over.... It's time to go home...

We pull up to her house... actually she lives in the guest house in the back and has a slightly crazy landlady who keeps tabs on her... so we are actually at the driveway fence... sitting in my car.

Anyway, we talk for a bit... I tell her that I hope she's had a good time... that I kinda feel like the date was maybe a little boring....AS I AM BRINGING YOU HOME AT 10:30 ON A SATURDAY NIGHT!

We say our goodnights.... and I go in for a hug... little do I realize that she goes in for a kiss... Like I am expecting this after a short date, right?

Anyway, I inadvertantly turn my head.... thinking I had misjudged her position and all ... not realizing she was going in for a kiss. So in her point of view, I am sure it looks like I am rejecting her kiss.

Especially, after she pouts and says that she's sorry for being so boring and closes my car door... I, of course, am clueless and watch her go in to her house...

You can imagine my surprise when she cancels our date the next weekend...

It's gotta be the shoes…

2005-01-20T14:13:00.000-08:00

The other day a co-worker and I went to lunch…. Nothing special… some Chinese, at Hop Li’s here in the Westside (LA), – might as well plug ‘em - great food. Get the Chow Mein, Hong Kong style with the thin noodles – it’s not on the menu, but ask for it, it’s great.

Anyway, after lunch we get back to the building and step into the elevator… another man steps in. My friend knows him and they start talking…. So I am just standing there kinda like a wingman with nothing to do…. Thank God for the little news screen in the elevator… Anyway we get to his floor, they finish talking and he leaves.

My friend turns around to me and says, “He’s cute, right?”

And I, frozen in some sort of adolescent flashback, mutter something – I dunno what I said – because - I was frozen in fear…. I can’t comment on another man’s attractiveness.

Yes, folks… I am that shallow and insecure… and therefore can’t say that another man is attractive – because people might think that I am Gay (to steal from Seinfeld – “not that there’s anything wrong with that”), but I have a hard enough time getting women interested in me when they think that I’m straight.

After more prodding from my friend – I finally acknowledge something akin to agreement (I think I said ‘whatever’) and then she says…

“Yeah, I guess he’s cute, but those shoes he was wearing were awful.”

Huh?

So, is this the secret that I have been missing all these years…? The shoes!

All my life, I was trying to be suave and sophisticated… grooming myself, finding the right car, and combing my hair… choosing the right thing to say…. Asking myself when is the appropriate time to call her…. (too early and you’re desperate… too late and well she’s pissed.)

…. and it all comes down to shoes…?

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Those shoes he was wearing… I mean…. they were terrible…"

“Wait a minute… so, you wouldn’t date a man because he has bad taste in shoes?” I interrupted.

“Well, I … I mean maybe if he were attractive enough, I could overlook the shoes… my last boyfriend he wore terrible shoes, until we dated and I soon changed that…”

I was aghast… I mean I am not so naive as to not know about women’s love affair with shoes (and I know that I may be perceived as being a little sexist here – but hell they talk about it all the time on SEX AND THE CITY, so it must be true… mustn’t it.) but, I didn’t think it transferred over to men… as an attractiveness requirement.

The ability to pick out good shoes…. This is what natural selection has boiled down to for the human race in the 21st century… Mind boggling…

This is how I pick out shoes (and I would assume most males as well… but hey what do I know):

1) Do they fit?
2) Are they comfortable?
3) Are they economical? (This last one is very important because I’ll be damned if I spend $300 on a pair of shoes.)

I have found out something very important…. This is not how women pick out shoes!

For example, the same co-worker and I were coming back from a morning meeting out of the office and on the way to our cars we walked by this boutique shop.

“Oh, lets stop in here”

“ Um… Yeah, right….”

“Come on…. please, it beats going back to work… just for a second…”

Well she did have a point… so I acquiesced and we went in. Little did I know that a shopping second is equal to 30 minutes in real people time, but that’s another story.

Anyway she came across these shoes that she loved….

But did she have the clothes already to go with it – after a short analysis she did.

Did they make her ankles look thick…? Oh no, I wasn’t stepping onto this land mine…

Finally after several trying on sessions and a short conversation with the owner – she had to make a decision. Meanwhile I take a quick look at the price tag - WOW!

“You’ve got to be kidding! This is like a car payment... a luxury car - car payment.”

She grabs the shoes out of my hand and gives me a scowling look – as if I had committed some kind of faux paux.

“I need to think about it… How late are you open?”

As they are talking, I am shaking my head – do you ever get to understand women. And finally she grabs me by the arm off we go.

So after all this, I realize that finding the right woman comes down to finding the right shoes…. Man, am I so screwed…

The beginning... not that auspicious is it?

2005-01-16T18:57:00.000-08:00

So, here I am in my thirties... single... okay before this I was okay with it. It didn't really bother me... so what now is there some kind of subtle peer pressure working here.... all my friends are married.... so what now I have to be?! Maybe not...

Or is it the whole 'Bridget Jones' thing - am I tired of being the only single person at a holiday dinner party? Great my life has become derivative.... lovely.

Anyway, I have been out of the dating scene for a while and thought that I would keep this blog, now that I have decided to begin dating again - maybe misery loves company. So here I go... or should I use the famous split infinitive... to boldly go.... whatever

Well... to start this conversation.... I tried MATCH... yes well I live in a big city so... Oh and by the way, just to keep this honest and true I don't think that I am going to give out any real names or my own name for that matter. I would like to have an honest exchange and egos... etc... will just get in the way.

So anyway MATCH - well I must say it's a bit like grocery shopping. I really don't see myself finding anyone online like that... it's a bit impersonal to say the least.

Also, I don't think my profile is getting the traffic as, well I think, it should. There should be some directions on how to 'beef' up traffic to your profile. But this is exactly what I am talking about - the impersonalness (is that a word? I'm too lazy to look it up so I guess it will stand for now) of it.

It's all a numbers game - interpersonal networking - if you talk to enough people you will find someone to couple with. Hey and if they don't match maybe they have friends who will. Okay it's bad enough that I have to network for my career - I have to do it in my personal life too? Whatever happened to fate - is she taking a long vacation - maybe she just quit without notice (that bitch!).

So anyway my profile is not getting the hits - it's a bit disconcerting to your ego - I think I am reasonably attractive. But then that is sort of like a sense of humor - everyone thinks that they have a good sense of humor - but they don't. But I've dated before - and I've dated reasonably attractive people - so I figure it wasn't all luck. So how do I put asses in the seats - so to speak.

Or should I even bother...